Putting myself out there

I've always been a private person when it comes to work, in person and online. My private Instagram is full of travel photos and pictures with friends, and I love that. But work? I keep that to myself.

I don't like being the centre of attention and even though I love to talk about things related to my work/industry, one of the questions I hate answering the most is the famous "what do you do for work?" when I'm meeting someone in my personal life. Why? 1. No one ever understands what I truly do. 2. It not only feels performative but people tend to think I'm so much better than what I feel I really am.

For all these reasons, sharing what I do for work feels very uncomfortable to me, online or in real life.

The irony is that I consume this kind of content constantly. I spend a bunch of time watching people build things in public: talking through their process, sharing what they're learning, being honest about what's working and what isn't. I love it. That's why I built Loomi. I was saving so much of that content, because it is truly so helpful to see others build online and learn from them. I've even tried to do it myself. I just could never get there. Too reserved for that and not there yet.

However, this year I wanted to move forward with a goal I've had since I can remember and I couldn't keep being uncomfortable with exposure and expect to reach it. One of the most important things to achieve this goal is being visible and showing the work.

So when I was selected to demo one of my AI agents at AI Innovation Day by Unicorn Factory Lisboa, I knew it was exactly the kind of opportunity that mattered. People around me were excited for me, congratulating me. And my first reaction, honestly, was dread. Not excitement, dread. I didn't want to do it. I was going to do it because it was good for my goal, not because it felt good.

Which, looking back, is a little ridiculous. It was a great opportunity regardless of any goal. But that's where my head went.

I rehearsed all morning with my best friend. I got on stage and was visibly shaking. I finished a slide too early, realized mid-sentence I wasn't done, and had to go back. I got through it. People reacted well (it was a cute moment) but it was still one of the most uncomfortable things I've done.

After, people asked where they could see more of my work. I had nothing to send them.

That's when I stopped waiting for it to feel comfortable and started building this website instead. I'd tried before, several times over the years, and always stopped. Something always felt off. Too much like marketing myself, not enough like actually showing anything real. But the work I'm doing now is different. I build things (products, systems, automations) and it turns out showing what you built is a lot easier than talking about what you do. It becomes about the thing, not about you.

Alongside showing my work, I also wanted to show a little bit of myself and the person behind the work. I really like writing: I find it very relaxing and a great way to put myself out there without being too loud about it. That's why I created the writing tab: I write about work, things I build, things others built that I find incredible, and a little bit about myself and my life.

The copy took weeks. The website itself I built on a weekend, but the copy I was extremely particular about: the way I sounded, the way I was portraying myself.

That's what putting myself out there actually looks like for me at the moment. Not effortless. Not natural. Just deciding that what I want to achieve matters more than the discomfort I'm feeling and, like everything else, I know the more I do it, the less uncomfortable it will feel.

- Mariana